Ahhh, why is everything so bright? I groan. My eyes flutter open but instantly shut back to a close as they’re flooded by an angry beam of sunlight. I shield them with my hands and sit up straight, wincing as my head starts pounding. How late did I sleep in today? This is the 13th class I’m missing this semester. Harish sir will kill me. Expecting to feel the familiar plastic case in my fingers, I reach behind me for my phone. Third lecture must have started by now. Instead of my trusty phone, I touch something furry.
“Squeak-SQUEEEEAKKK!” My eyes shoot open as the shrill squeaks of an animal pierce my ear. I watch in utter disbelief as a very terrified squirrel scampers up a nearby tree, squeaking as if he’s dying. What in the world is going on?
I look back down at the place I was lying just a minute ago, fully awake now thanks to that adrenaline rush. No pillow, no bed. There are just leaves and twigs there. I swerve my head around on both sides, my heart pounding against my chest.
“Hello, is anyone there?” I bellow. I am answered by the chirps of a few birds. The sunlight is piercing through the canopy, illuminating a few sections of the ground. As far as I can see, the ground is covered by trees, bushes, and dense leaves. What the hell happened last night? All the memories seem so foggy. I groan again as my stomach rumbles loudly. I can’t remember anything from yesterday. I check my pockets for my phone. Maybe I left it there. My pockets are empty too.
What do I do now? A sinking feeling sets in my chest. There’s no use sulking. I need to figure out where I am. With nothing but the clothes on my back, I set out to scout the area to find something useful.
After walking around in what seems like circles for 20 whole minutes, the rumbling in my stomach becomes unbearable. I’ve looked everywhere. No water, no fruits, no berries, no mushrooms. There’s nothing around to eat or even drink. I collapse on a large rock, devastated. I’ll never find my way back home. I start weeping. My emotional breakdown is interrupted by a series of loud grunts. I look up to locate the source of these strange sounds. In the distance, I see three little pigs walking around, grunting nonchalantly. My stomach growls again, much louder this time, and I wince in pain.
I’ve never had pork in my life, but the prospect doesn’t sound too bad right now. I think back to all those Man vs Wild episodes I watched as a kid and ask myself, “Is this a sign?”. Maybe Bear Sensei was preparing me for this moment. I’ve never eaten a single animal in my life (my entire family is vegetarian). But right now, I don’t think that matters. My extreme hunger and primal hunting urges kick in, egging me on to take this decision. I NEED TO KILL THOSE PIGS.
I quickly get up and crouch behind the large rock I was crying on just a minute ago. I need a plan. Ugh, I would do anything to have my phone right now. At least I could look up “How to kill a pig” on Google. Wait a minute. I did come across this one video last year while surfing through YouTube at 4 am. They said that you have to think like a predator and finish the job in a single shot. I look around for something I can use to knock my future lunch out.
After frantically searching for tools, my gaze falls upon 2 heavy but sharp-looking rocks. I’ve only got 2 shots. The video from earlier told me that I must hit the pig straight above the eyes. I can’t miss. As I’m preparing to throw the rock with every ounce of strength in my skinny arms, I suddenly hear the rustling of leaves behind me.
Paralyzed by fear, I crouch behind the rock again, hoping that it’s not some other predator who watched the same video. The sun blinds me as I hear a hissing sound. Oh, it’s just a snake. I’ve encountered plenty of these in my time at college. These little guys are harmless. It’s only the human versions that pose a threat.
I pray to the Wakandan God of hunting, kiss my rock for luck, and throw it towards the pig.
“CAWWWWW.” I missed. I had not accounted for my terrible aim. It looked so much easier in that video. The crow I hit wasn’t moving, but the pigs were still happily grunting away. I remind myself to practice my aim in the future if I make it out of this alive. I take aim again and throw the second rock. The pig lets out a blood-curdling squeal and runs off with its friends, crashing into a few trees as it escapes. There goes my lunch.
With tears in my eyes, I pluck a leaf from a nearby tree and start chewing on it. Tastes like spinach. I look at the tall tree in front of me and an idea pops into my mind. What if I climb this tree? In a last-ditch effort to save myself and find a way back to civilization, I summon all the strength in my limbs. Fuelled by desperation, I make my way to the top of the tree and look around. What I see makes me dizzy again. Gajjar Bhavan is a stone’s throw away. How had I missed that road during my scouting earlier? I decide to get back down and make my way to the main road. I look down and feel like throwing up. The tree’s too high. I thought I had gotten over my fear of heights already, but I was terribly mistaken. I can’t move my hands. They aren’t letting go of the branches.
I look back towards Gajjar Bhavan and notice 2 humanoid figures looking in my direction from the terrace.
“HELP! Please help me!” I bellow as loud as I can.
Meanwhile at the Gajjar terrace:
Harkeerat: (pointing) Bro, do you see that dude on that tree? I seriously think that’s an actual person.
Ishan: (emitting a few clouds) Nah bro, can’t be. Who goes into that forest anyways? Must be a peacock.
Harkeerat: (emitting a few clouds of his own) Broooo, these peacocks sound more and more like humans every day, haha. We should invite one of them on our podcast haha. That’d be funnnnn.
Ishan: I like peacocks man. Nice idea. They’re just really loud sometimes.
SUMANT S. DANGI
Chief Editor, Renesa
This article was originally written for and published on Renesa – The Official Media and Publication House of NIT Surat. It was featured in the 2021 Farewell Edition of Renesa’s official magazine.
